For those of you close to me, you know how dedicated I've really become over the last two months. You know that I've turned down so many great foods, drinks, and sometimes invitations for fantastic outings. This is why. This moment I had today. There's no way I could have done what I did today without the sacrifices I've made over the last couple months.
When I first started crossfit, I really was rather hesitant because I was petrified of getting hurt. However in July, I watched the ever famous crossfit games. At this point, I decided within the next year I want to compete. Obviously not on the games level, but I just want to compete. I started on my way, decided I wanted to lose some weight while I was at it... I lost about 25lbs by October. However by April I had gained 10lbs of that back.
At this point there was a fateful meeting I had with two of my coaches/owners of the gym. This meeting was a HUGE turning point in my life, something they probably don't have any idea about until now. That meeting changed my outlook, perspective, and drive to just become better. Better than I was performing, better than I was treating my body... Just better.
So I decided to take on my nutrition with one of the coaches - someone I admire beyond belief, respect with everything, and I'm absolutely scared shitless of disappointing...and it hasn't been easy. I had to literally cut so many things out I had been so used to eating freely and without thought. There have been times where I've been irritable, angry, and down right wanted to give up. However there have been more days where I've been proud of myself - resisting temptation, putting myself first, and completing what I set out to complete. By the day of my competition (well a few days before) I was down 22lbs since I started focusing. I'd say that's pretty good :)!
Now on to the competition... I'm going to tell you right now, I'm probably one of the most overly critical people, by that I mean overly critical of myself. Before every event I looked around me and would suddenly realize these girls look like a crossfit girl - I'm fucked. I'd question why I chose to do this again. Throughout the competition I did pretty well, even got first in an event. The third event was a bit disastrous, but I finished it - which is what I hoped for. However I got to the final event and came upon something I never had done before L-sit holds. Not only did I have to do an L-sit hold, I would need to do it for one cumulative minute (seems like no big deal, ya - NO).
Waves of self doubt began to set in...and at this point I knew I was going to have to make up time on the bike and overhead squats. I did just that and pulled out a third place victory!! I, a girl that still has a lot of work to do, placed this! During this competition I began to realize that the only person that is affected by my size and weight is myself. In the crossfit world, it truly is beautiful how much people embrace strength, grit, and determination. I still don't like the pictures I saw of me throughout the event because I just feel I should be smaller, stronger, and more defined - but I'm learning to just let go of that and be proud of my strength. I will continue to work hard and drop more weight, and I'm sure as hell going to work on getting a one minute L-sit hold. But tonight, I'm going to be proud of what I've accomplished, the weight I've dropped (a total of 37lbs since last July), and eat a burrito. :)
Tomorrow will be a new day, and tmw I'll be back on my meal prep and workouts and looking for my next goal!
